ED Loves Isolation

My weight is really getting to me lately. Well more than usual anyway. It’s like no matter what I do I stay at a high weight. I feel like I’ll never be skinny again. Isolation is ED’s best friend. I shared with my boyfriend how my ED thoughts are getting worse and I mentioned that I was scared because I tend to isolate. What sucked was that he though I would isolate myself from him. The potential does exist but I love him and I would never isolate myself from him. He asked me if we were heading for the inevitable and hearing that nearly broke my heart. We reassured each other that we were going anywhere but I’m scared that he will leave me if he even feels an inking of me unwillingly pulling away.

For the first time in our relationship I felt the real fear of abandonment. My BPD (borderline personality disorder) was eating all this up and ED was laughing mischievously. Fighting my bad thoughts has been so hard today and I’ve continuously have to keep reminding myself that I trust him and that he loves me. All I want is to continue to watch our love grow because its something I cherish and I will not let ED take that away from me. He has already taken away 17 years of my life.

Vulnerability/Happiness/Safety

It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself to be VULNERABLE and my EATING DISORDER had killed all the JOY in my life. For the first time in a long time I can say I am HAPPY! Happiness has made me less symptomatic when it comes to ANOREXIA and RECOVERY has opened my eyes to all the beauty life has to offer 💞. A lot of this I credit to my AMAZING BOYFRIEND Shaun. Now I used to be that girl who would live my life to make SOMEONE ELSE happy, but this time its DIFFERENT! I feel SAFE being myself. Being HONEST with who I am in front of him. I don’t feel the need to HIDE and he still find all my FLAWS to be beautiful. Since getting together I’ve seemed to DEDICATE more of my life to my RECOVERY as he dedicates his to his SOBRIETY. I never thought two people who STRUGGLE could be 2 wholes and be HAPPY together. I never saw this coming…I thought I was DOOMED to be SINGLE forever since I could NEVER be HONEST about myself with anyone. Now I just feel LUCKY, I feel SAFE, I feel DEEPLY CARED ABOUT while still focusing on my RECOVERY. In this very moment SHAUN is more than I can ask for in a BOYFRIEND because I don’t have to pretend to be anything I am NOT. This is the relationship I have been waiting for since I decided that RECOVERY comes first in my life ❤

SHAUN DAVID SIMPSON WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW DEEPLY I CARE ABOUT YOU!