PTSD Flare Up

There other night I was basically asleep when my roommate decided to come into my room crying. In my half asleep state I didn’t really get a grasp on why she was upset. Frustrated that I wasn’t all awake she ripped down my curtains and left my room.

Now I understand that people get upset and do things without thinking and not intentionally. But with everything going on its flaring up my PTSD. Not that I am afraid of her but mostly because I remember feeling this way not to long ago and there was a threat of danger.

I don’t want to be scared. My roommate…from what I know is a good person. Just lately something has changed and Im too afraid to ask why because I think its about me.

I tried talking to my mom but she doesn’t understand why I’m scared. She doesn’t understand the reasons behind my PTSD. I don’t like things being thrown or having my curtains ripped down and I don’t like being yelled at like I’m worthless.

It brings back so many bad memories that I can’t help but intertwine them. All this just makes me want to cry. I feel unsettled and for me its one of the worst feelings in the world. Since I moved to Toronto all I have wanted to find was stability and every time I think I found it…it turns out I’m wrong.

Every time I trust a person…close…almost relationship close…that person has physically, mentally, or emotionally ruined me. I don’t feel wrong for being scared now even though I know she won’t hurt me. But the feeling…the fear…its the same.

When I try to tell me mom that this is hurting me and bringing back PTSD memories she doesn’t get it and I feel completely invalidated.

I don’t want to be scared in my own home.

With all thats happened in the last few years I don’t want to be scared anymore.